heatherheggie: A deep sadness keeps coming back to me and the reality that things may not change is where the sadness creeps in. My dad doesn't need to see me, spend time with me or connect with me the way I do and it shatters pieces of me everytime I become aware of this fact. I believe growing up it was easier to accept simply to use " distance and location" as the excuse verses really accepting the truth. Now, him living 15 min away in my grandma's ok'd house that I frequented constantly over the years now to have only been one time never invited in almost two years crushes me. And, for my kids sake-- he doesn't desire to see them and it SO confuses me that it's not inside of him to be a part of their world in a more present/full way... But no-- I truly feel like a girl clinging to a guy that's not into her and I'm not sure why I continually make attempts to connect and always initiate vs him? Why do I put myself thru this over and over again- it's not a relationship of mutual feelings- more of obligation from him. I'm sad b/c holidays and a dinner once in a while would be plenty -- oh I am so glad Jon is such a fully present daddy to our special kids- wow that gift alone will help them each soar in their own way! Desiring to be near them even when he can't at the fire station is FELT and makes all the difference in the life of a child! Thank you God for giving Jon to my kiddos- I'm sorry dad too that I'm just " not enough" for you- or whatever- I'm sad that really don't know my hopes dreams and greatest passions- simply b/c of lack of time together as father daughter- and I'm sad I don't know you more deeply as well-- what fun it would be to connect in a real and special way-- but accepting that we won't will be my journey. Thank you for saying yes once in a while to dinner at our house- someday, could you ask me over to your house too?? Hmmm doubt it- who am I kidding... I forgive you, I'm just sad- what little girl doesn't want to feel love from her dad? None. What adult girl doesn't want to feel love from her dad? None. Today I will ficus on my blessings and be grateful for all I DO have in family and love and friends-- I am so richly blessed...